As a means by which to chronicle what is going on in the American cultural zeitgeist and how we cater to that, Los Angeles, I’m Yours is kicking off a new bi-monthly feature: The Hollywood And Highland Character Count. Every other Friday, we’ll share who the performers are that are clogging the Hollywood and Highland sidewalks and see how they change and shift in relationship to what is happening in the entertainment world. We’ll make predictions, keep count of who stays and goes, and log just what is happening at the best microcosm of what is on the world’s mind: Hollywood and Highland.

Today felt like a revelation. There were not a lot of tourists out; however, there were SO MANY CHARACTERS out and we were able to predict so many of them, namely characters from The Avengers. It was like one pat on the back after the other. One other thing happening today that was so annoying? There were people trying to hand you stuff EVERYWHERE. Like, not just they, “You like hip hop?” guys but people from Madame Tussaud and people from Children International and people from Dialogue Jobs and people there to talk about church and shit: they were everywhere!! It was almost like there was one solicitor or character for every tourist out today. It was a mess…but a great mess!

The Character Count

Bumblebee

Wonder Woman

Batman (old school Batman, specifically: same shitty one from last time)

Storm Trooper

Rambo, who was chilling at the wax museum.

Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction, who looked EXACTLY LIKE HIM.

Spongebob Squarepants

Woody

Buzz

Diego

Dora

Barney

(Shitty) Yoda

Iron Man

A Clown

A Soldier from Halo

Jigsaw from Saw

Mike Myers

Captain America

Real People

Michael Jackson, who we realized talks just like the real MJ.

Recurring Characters

Jonny Depp Incarnations: One Jack Sparrows, One Willy Wonka (who was all alone this week: he usually has a friend!)

Two Spidermans

A buff, hot Thor and a shitty, small Thor

Genderfuck, Colorblind Cast, Or Inaccurate Characters

African American Darth Vader, who CANNOT keep his helmet on. Ever.

A little Superman, AKA a little boy in a Superman costume.

Friends

Barney and Dora had a little posse and a technique for getting a photo, then asking for money.

Woody and Buzz because DUH.

Halo guy and Jigsaw were BFFs–who knew?!

The Thors!

Etc.

The drum guys were out, as usual. They were hitting on girls today, too.

There was a group of dancers who, somehow, were getting tips from people passing by in cars. OOoooooOokkay.

Approximately Nine “You like hip hop music?” CD and DVD hander-outers. I think it was honestly too hot for them.

Characters At Madame Tussaud: Jackie Chan was by the Metro and Shrek was out by the museum.

There was a cop on one of those motorized tricycles who kept clogging up foot traffic.

There were at least twenty “You like hip hop?” guys. TWENTY.

There were these ladies handing out new issues of Cosmo, which everyone was grabbing.

Lots of dogs out today–there was even one with a pink mohawk!

There was a film crew for something, which was fascinating because all the characters–namely Wonder Woman, Bumblebee, and a Spiderman–flocked to it and just stood in front of the camera. It was both sad and interesting and funny.

There were lots of people with signs about Jesus.

A guy from Bill Maher’s show was giving out tickets.

Observations

Spongebob Squarepants tried to tell me a joke. I ignored him but, really, I wanted to hear (unless it was some guy in a kid’s costume who wanted to tell me a dirty joke).

Willy Wonka always has friends and he was all alone today. We also heard him speak and he sounds ~*~pReCiOuS~*~.

The Jesus people were getting so much shit talking from passersby. Don’t think because they are tourists that they all love the Lord!

The kids characters seemed to hang out together. They even made fun of Spongebob!

Ghetto Batman we caught with some guy helping him by checking that the back of his costume was nice. We then realized he was a maskless Mike Myers. It was a good sighting.

There was a broke down bus that just everyone wanted to stop and stare at. Even the cops were there!

Some bitchy driver honked at me for waiting on a corner with my bike in the street. Middle finger to you, lady!

There is a new billboard for Gap facing South on Highland that has two guys on it in one shirt with the words “BE ONE” over it. It is delightfully homo loving. Way to go, Gap!

As predicted, there were lots of Avengers out today–but not the entire cast as there was no Jeremy Renner or Scarlett Johanson or Hulk characters out. There were two Thors, though: one looked like a joke and the other looked legit and was walking around lifting weights. Also, there was a Captain America who looked like shit, too.

Awards

Most Creative: Rambo. He looked perfect.

Creepiest/Cutest: Spongebob…because of the joke!

Most Popular: The Cosmo girls: people love free shit!!!!

Most Memorable: The film crew.

Most Coy: Rambo. He wasn’t even on the street!

Least Popular: The Avengers–no one gave a shit the movie was out today!!

Surprised We Did Not See…

Still: Jennifer Lawrence’s Character from The Hunger Games!

Those other Avengers.

Someone in a sombrero or a horse for tomorrow’s “holidays.”

Still no Dark Shadows Jonny Depp!!!!!

Character Predictions And Questions Over Next Two Weeks

The other Avengers.

Jonny Depp in Dark Shadows: HE HAS TO BE THERE NEXT TIME!

Sascha Baron Cohen’s The Dictato? Maybe? Probably won’t debut until after the movie comes out.

A “Man In Black.” They should appear soon…